The 4PLAY Club
Canada's National Capital Swingers Club
Homepage: the4playclub.com
E-Mail: 4play@the4playclub.com
Making Lifestyle ChoicesThere are many important choices you MUST make in the swinging lifestyle. We thought it would be very helpful for new couples to preview what these important choices are. This is not a complete list, but we do address the most important choices you will be facing together.
Lifestyle choices are personal and every couple will make different choices that make them feel comfortable. We have seen many couples make changes to their choices as they feel more comfortable in the lifestyle.
Do we place an ad or not?
We do not recommend that you place any ads on the internet, magazines, telepersonals etc. This is not the safest or most successful method of meeting active swing couples in the lifestyle. Most couples do not advertise anywhere, they meet through adult lifestyle clubs, conventions etc. and then correspond with new playmates using the internet, chat rooms, telephone, private parties etc.
What type of adult club is right for us?
Only you and your partner can answer this question, but it is very important that you choose a club that BOTH of you will feel comfortable in attending. Do your homework and read up on all the adult lifestyle clubs in your area or within a few hours drive. There can be huge differences between several clubs.
Every experienced lifestyle couple is different and every new couple entering the swinging lifestyle is different. Age, life experiences, sexual experiences, maturity, playfulness, willingness to experiment, sexual drive and many more are different for every person. Some young couples for their first time out to a lifestyle club would fit perfectly in an on-premise club and a similar couple of the same age would be terrified. The same holds true for an older couple. A healthy attitude towards sex and openness to your sexuality are extremely important in choosing your first club. Everyone is nervous, so choose a club that excites both of you and are both willing to play in that environment.
What level of sexual play are we willing to go?
Both of you need to choose a comfort level in sexual play and discuss it with each other. You must both agree on the level you have chosen. Some couples only want to go to an adult club and show off their body parts. Others are only interested in the erotic dancing and touching. Many couples are looking for a sexual playmate, but no intercourse. Others are looking for the full meal deal, everything including intercourse. Never second guess or assume that your partner wants to do something that you are all ready for. Discuss it in detail and make a firm agreement. You can always agree to change your levels of sexual play at a later date. Always go at the pace of the slowest partner!
What are you willing to let your partner do?
Many couples pick a level of play such as soft swinging (all sexual play with NO intercourse). What if you see your partner with and person twice your age or twice as heavy or much taller or darker skinned than you. Many couples forget that personal choice can mean many different things.
All people are different in size, shape, colour, religion, sexual drive to name a few. If you gave permission for your partner to play sexually with another person such as oral sex, would seeing your partner with someone three times your age turn you off?
Variety is the spice of the swinging lifestyle. Don't be shy to try a person taller, smaller, younger, older, bisexual, etc. What is very important that both of you allow your partner to choose a new playmate that is sexually appealing in what ever way turns your partner on. If you have a specific dislike for someone younger, older, larger, darker, say so before you play. Don't restrict your new partners to a ridged criteria of a perfect 10!
Do we lie or tell the truth to get what we want?
You might think that this is a silly question, but some couples do in fact lie to other couples to get what they want from the lifestyle. We highly recommend that you tell the truth! When you lie or mislead people, it does not take too long before you are caught.
Be honest and up front with couples and let them know specifically what both of you are looking for in the lifestyle. There are many people that will be helpful to an honest couple. Many couples want to try a BI female experience first and normally have found through writing ads, that it is very hard to turn into reality. With a little research about the lifestyle and adult clubs, these requests are very easy to fulfill.
What level of protection will we adopt?
Some couples forget that sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted by oral sex, kissing, towels, hands, hot tubs, sex toys and many more. Many couples are not aware that many STD's can be contracted, just by sharing a hot tub with other sexually active people.
STD's in the swing community are rare, but there is always a risk, so it is vital that you discuss where both of you are willing to draw the line. You could walk out your door tomorrow and be run over by a car, so it is important not to get paranoid with the issue. Many couples feel that condoms are the only answer to safe sex.
It is important that you practice COMMON SENSE! If anything smells bad or feels bad, stay away from it. If a hot tub does not look clean or has foam around the top, stay away from it. Use fresh towels to clean up with. Only use brand new toys with new partners. If you prefer no condoms, get to know the couple or get a good indication from others and your intuition! Our bodies have a great ability to provide us with a sixth sense or gut feeling about people. Trust your first impressions.
Do we use our real names or make some up?
We highly recommend that you use your real first names, unless you are highly visible through your name and could cause harm to your family income. If you only provide your first names with no other related data, both of you and the people around you will feel more comfortable.
If you tell couples that you live in a very remote community and a couple you do not like travels to your little village or community and asks for Bill & Hanna, the entire village will probably direct them to your house. Some couples who are extremely well known or have a sensitive profession, will rarely play in the same city or region that they live for fear of their clients, neighbors or co workers not understanding their lifestyle if the word got out.
99% of all swingers respect personal privacy in the lifestyle community. We know some couples that have several false names, primarily because they have caused numerous problems with other couples and the word gets out to stay away from Bill & Hanna, so they change names.
What fantasies do you want filled?
It is very important and fun to discuss your fantasies with each other. A large part of the swinging lifestyle is to ad some fun to your already great relationship. Seeing your partner have a fantasy fulfilled is worth all the tea in England! All too often, we forget that life is really short. Enjoy the lifestyle and have fun with it.
Some people are not comfortable talking dirty to their partner or wearing lingerie or performing oral sex or having anal sex. Since these things are the favorites of others, the lifestyle gives both of you the opportunity to enjoy your erotic favorite turn on with new partners. Sharing these experiences with or beside your partner can be very stimulating and rewarding for many years down the road.
Should we play together or separate?
We highly recommend that new couples play in the same room with their new partners. Some couples are very comfortable to play in different rooms right from day one, but half of the swinging experience is also watching your partner have a great time with a new sexual playmate. Playing together in the same room also provides the opportunities to engage in threesomes and foursomes.
A number of lifestyle couples will meet other couples that they match very well with and will actually exchange partners for a night, weekend, vacation etc. You need to feel very comfortable with your partner and new playmates before playing at this level.
