The 4PLAY Club
Canada's National Capital Swingers Club
Homepage: the4playclub.com
E-Mail: 4play@the4playclub.com
How To Avoid Head Games
This topic is widely talked about among active swingers and also with new swingers. All sexually active couples who are looking for couples with similar interests in swinging, will all tell you about a number of couples they have run into playing head games with them. Head Games refer to the lies, hidden truths, misconceptions, cheating, subversion and many other mean or unkind behavior and actions that many new and experienced lifestyle couples use to get what they want from another couple.
Head games are hard to recognize in the first place, so it becomes even more difficult to help new couples avoid them without practical experience in the lifestyle. One of the primary reasons this topic is hard to discuss with new couples, is the fact that you might be one of these types of couples who is already thinking, planning or has already used some of these head games on other couples to get what you want. If you are thinking or planning to lie or keep important information from other couples, we hope we can convince you not to do it.
We have seen first hand for 20 plus years that most couples who play head games are couples who primarily have a distinct difference in appetite about the swinging lifestyle. If you and your partner do not have the same love and appetite for sex, you will have many problems between you when you start playing in the swinging lifestyle. We will do our best in this section to help you recognize these subtle differences in other couples and hopefully help you avoid these head games from inconsiderate couples.
We will discuss the many different types of couples you will meet at different clubs and some of the potential head games that these types of couples might play on you. Many of these types may seem hard to picture from the words we are writing in our descriptions, but after you have been to a few adult clubs or parties you will have a much better idea of what we are explaining to you now.
Don't Become A Fluff Girl or Fluff Couple
There are many couples who play on the fringes of the lifestyle who get a big kick out of other couples getting them hot and horny at an adult club, erotic dances or house parties.These couples love to find other willing couples (Fluff Couples) to talk dirty or dance erotically with them! Once these couples have been given their high for the night, they go home with their own partner to finish the act or have intercourse with. Some couples get excited about just watching other adults dancing erotically at the clubs, others get excited about showing off erotically in front of others. Some couples even get turned on by getting you hot and bothered and then leaving you. Some of you might remember your days in High School with similar teases or flirts.
There is nothing wrong with this type of couple or the enjoyment they are getting from the lifestyle. The problem only occurs when this type of couple is looking for a Fluff Couple to make them horny and they tell other couples that they are looking for other couples to have sex and swap partners with, when they have no intention of following through with any couple.
Many new couples who are looking for new sexual partners will be nervous and want to take their time getting to know new couples before taking a new couple home or going elsewhere with the couple. In time you will get to know certain couples that are only coming out to get their sexual fix from a willing or unknowing Fluff Couple and go home to finish the act with their partner.
The key here is to be honest with all couples around you. Don't tell couples you are looking for new sexual partners, if you have no intention of swinging. Many couples around you love to play to this level also. Don't become a Fluff Couple, unless you really enjoy it! Explain to new couples what you are looking for, or ask the club or party hosts to point you in the right direction to couples with similar interests.
Avoid Couples With A Pushy Partner
You will see this type of couple quite often at many adult clubs and parties. Avoid this type of couple at all costs! If you have to push your partner into this lifestyle or to visit or attend an adult club or party, you are not doing yourself or your partner any favors.
We are not able to count the numbers of ladies and some men we have seen being pushed into the lifestyle. If you have to push in any way, you are not ready to even visit an adult club! Every couple or person is nervous when attending or visiting their first club or party and may need some encouragement, but this is a big difference from being pushed into it. Never let your partner force you to do anything you feel uncomfortable in doing.
Here are a few lines we have heard from some men and women at clubs.
- Let's get a hotel room, but don't tell my wife, we will surprise her!
- My wife will feel better once she sees the three of us having sex!
- Don't worry, my wife will do what ever I tell her to do!
- My husband is nervous, so I will have sex with your wife, then he will join in!
- My wife won't have intercourse, but can I fuck your wife in the other room?
- Don't worry, after several drinks she will be more willing to play!
- Don't tell my wife I gave you our phone number, but call me next week!
- My husband gets nervous in groups, so he might play later!If you see a couple split up during the evening, where one goes home and the other partner stays to play, avoid this person regardless of what they say! Any couple that arrives at a party together, should always go home together. It is very inconsiderate of the one partner to stay and play for any reason. You will see this happen on occasion at clubs, where one partner has had enough for the evening and goes home leaving the other partner alone.
We have even seem men or women very upset at their partners behaviour and desperately want to get out of the club. Some of this is related to being nervous, but if you see a person crying or in obvious distress, tell that person to ask their partner to take them home! Many couples have to take very small steps into the lifestyle. Don't mistake an outgoing personality for being pushy. It is more important to here the interaction between any new couple you are meeting. If they enjoy the lifestyle equally, you will definitely here that between them both.
Avoid Unstable Couples With Different Partners
Over time, you will meet many couples that are made up of two singles who are going steady, living together, common law etc. Avoid any unstable couple who are showing up at clubs or parties with a different partner every party or changing partners every three months or so. These types of couples can cause many problems for you if you are not careful. Some of these couples have a different partner every party, using this new person as a ticket into the party.
Since these types of couples have no solid emotional bonds between each other, it could get very risky if their male or female partner gets attached or infatuated with your partner! Many of the unattached males can get very bold in asking to meet your female partner on the side.
It is not easy saying no to some of these types of couples, especially if both are very open and good looking. Without the emotional ties between them, you could just imagine how their rules for playing with other couples could be quite different between them. If you are not very experienced in the lifestyle or willing to take this type of roller coaster ride with both of your emotions, we recommend you avoid singles with multiple partners.
There is also the increased risk of diseases if both of these singles are playing by different rules. Just a reminder that we are talking about singles who change their partner often. Many singles are in long standing secure and emotional relationships with another partner. If a couple have not been together or living together for a long period of time, be sure to get more information before you play with them.
The unfortunate problem with this type of unstable couple is the fact that they feel pressured to play head games and tell other couples lies about their relationship details, so that couples will play with them. If you are not sure about a couple, don't hesitate to ask the hosts or other club regulars to help you out. No one should feel embarrassed if you want to confirm that couples are who they say they are. Only couples who are misrepresenting themselves will feel slighted!
Avoid Couples With Marriage Problems
This type of couple is very hard to spot. There is usually so many lies in their own marriage that they have both become professionals in telling lies to others. This type of couple will resort to any means to get what each of them wants or would get their partner pissed off by engaging in certain acts. They are definitely professionals when it comes to Head Games!
Get to know the owners and operators of clubs and parties. Also start to get aquatinted with other stable members of these clubs, not just for the sexual play but to keep informed of potential problems with new or regular couples at these clubs. All lifestyle couples keep virtually everything private between couples they meet or play with, but if their is a couple with SERIOUS problems, it is important that this information is shared confidentially.
Not every couple will like every couple in the lifestyle. Not every couple will play with every couple in the lifestyle. It is very common to hear nice general things about another couple you ask questions about and it is also very common to hear about couples having marriage problems. Many couples that play in the lifestyle together get very close and intimate with many other couples and it is very important for the majority to play together safely and discreetly.
No one likes a drunk pussy!
If you have marriage problems and think that the swinging lifestyle will repair what is missing in your marriage, "THINK AGAIN"! Any problems you have in your marriage will get worse if you enter the swinging lifestyle! We have NEVER seen a problem marriage get better by joining the swinging lifestyle. Couples who communicate very well between each other and love sharing life together as a couple and are willing and excited about sharing erotic sexual experiences in front of or with other sexually open couples, will only enhance their relationship with each other!
