The 4PLAY Club
Canada's National Capital Swingers Club
 

Homepage: the4playclub.com
E-Mail: 4play@the4playclub.com

 

Questions & Answers For Couples

Getting into the lifestyle is easy but every new couple will have hundreds of questions that deserve honest answers. The better informed both of you are about the lifestyle, the more fun both of you will have in the lifestyle and hopefully help both of you to avoid common mistakes.  The majority of couples and singles in the lifestyle are honest, hard working people with families.  But in any organization you have a handful of couples and singles that are dishonest and will go to extreme measures to get what they want.  Hopefully you will not bump into dishonest people, but we will provide you with some of the warning signs to look out for and some recommended precautions that are extremely helpful.

The majority of information on this web site are personal opinions and are not to be taken as defacto in every situation.  The opinions expressed are based on our twenty plus years of experience in the Swinging Lifestyle in Europe and North America.  If this information has been helpful, please let us know.  If you have questions or suggestions for this page, please email us and we will do our best to include your helpful tips to other couples.
 
 

Question: What is the safest way to meet a new couple we have never seen before?  We read about them in an ad.  We are not sure what they look like and want to be safe about who we get together with.

Answer: There are two very safe ways to meet total strangers for the first time.  Arrange to meet the couple at an adult swingers club, you are much safer in a crowd of people if the couple are not who they say they are, all of you can still enjoy the club or leave.  If you do not belong to an adult club, arrange to meet in a public place like a donut shop.  Get a good description of the couple and what they will be wearing (red sweater, etc.).  Tell them that both of you will be wearing red lapel pins or something similar but small enough to fit in your hand.  When you recognize them coming in, you can quickly decide if you want to wear the lapel pins, or not.  If the couple are not who they said they were in size, shape, dirty clothes etc., you can quietly leave as just one of the customers.

Question: How can I arrange to get my wife another man or woman to fulfill her fantasy?  We are not in the lifestyle, but she is always horny and I have always been excited about the possibility of watching her with someone else.

Answer: There are a few excellent ways to accomplish this.  The personal ads are probably the worst place to look because there are too many unknowns about who you would be getting.  The safest place to look for another man or woman would be at a couples club.  Always ask the club operator, what types of activities take place at the club, so you are comfortable about the club.  Both of you could scout out the talent.  Be honest when talking with couples about what you are looking for.  There are many couples looking for the same thing that you are.  There are a number of singles at couples clubs who are available and willing to satisfy both of you.  If you attend a private club party, you will have the opportunity to watch how couples and singles are acting with other partners.  Some people love rough sex and others are gentle, you will then have personal knowledge on how this person will treat your wife.  You should also be concerned on the persons hygiene.
 
 

Question: Is it appropriate for me to request other men to use a condom with my wife even if I don't use them when I am with other ladies?

Answer: You are defeating the purpose of safe sex if one partner uses a condom and the other partner does not.  Many couples will request that you use condoms and they usually practice the same safe sex principles with other couples.  Some women do not like condoms or are even allergic to certain brands.  Some men are unable to keep an erection when using a condom.  The decision to use condoms or not must be mutually agreed by both of you.  Couples should not get upset if you request the use of condoms but if you have different rules between both of you as a couple, you will upset other couples, not to mention your partner if you bring home a sexually transmitted disease.  Most couples in the lifestyle get regular check ups and are very clean.  If you have chosen to have unprotected sex with other couples, at least do a quick physical inspection for any sores or marks that look out of place or strange odors.  Be safe, not sorry.
 
 

 
 

Question: How can I cool down my husband?  He is pushing me into a lifestyle I want no part of.

Answer: Many men bring up the subject of getting into the lifestyle with their spouse.  Many women and men think the swingers lifestyle is disgusting or dirty.  Nothing could be further from the truth, however we are dealing with your feelings and you should never do anything that you feel uncomfortable about.  There are many different clubs you could attend to get each other hot and horny and go home with each other.  The lifestyle has many different activities, parties, conventions and much, much, more.  If you can't mutually decide on the activities that would be exciting to do together, then DON'T DO IT!Do not get into or even try this lifestyle if you feel it will fix your unhappy marriage or relationship, in most cases, it makes it worse.  You can help cool down your husband to this lifestyle by experimenting more at home, keep the fires burning at home by dressing up, making love in different places, etc..
 
 

 
 

Question: How can I tell my husband that I don't like the male partner of a couple we just met?  He has fallen for the lady, but I can't stand her partner.

Answer: You must be honest and upfront with your partner at all times in this lifestyle.  The roles could be reversed in this example, but the advice is still the same, let each other know how you feel.  If you are not attracted to another individual for any reason, don't go along to please your mate.  There is a big advantage of attending large private parties or swing clubs and that is VARIETY!  When you have a variety of couples and singles to mix with, you have the opportunity of matching up with another person that will spark your fire.  It can be very hard to find perfect matches between two couples, but very easy in larger groups.  On-Premise clubs are a perfect venue to have both of your sexual desires satisfied by the variety of people you will meet.  Don't be afraid or shy to say no if something does not feel right to you.
 
 

 
 

Question: How do I approach another woman to try a bi experience?  I am not bi, but want to experiment with another woman that turns me on and my husband is hot about the idea.

Answer: Some women could get offended if they are not bi, but most would be flattered or would politely tell you they are not interested.  The quickest way to get involved with a bi woman or another woman interested in experimenting with you is to ask the operator of a club or hosts of a private party if they could introduce you to the couples or singles that would be interested in experimenting with you in a bi experience.  You will be pleasantly surprised how many ladies are bi in the lifestyle and how easily approachable couples are about it.  Club operators and party hosts should know more intimate details about their members than  you could find out by talking with each couple at a party.  It is important to be honest with club operators and tell them what both of you are looking for at the club.  Club operators have a genuine interest in helping you find a matching couple or single.  This is a very easy fantasy to fulfill.
 
 

 
 

Question: How do my wife and I find out about other couples that have the same fetishes as us?  We have a special fetish that we don't hear much about on the Internet or at clubs.

Answer: Many couples or singles in the swinging lifestyle have fetishes that are very common, but many people feel uncomfortable talking about them.  You would be very surprised to learn that many couples and singles have the same or similar fetishes that you have.  If you really want to meet with couples or singles with similar interests you have to ask someone!  Ask your local club or private party hosts, they will be the most discreet with your personal request.  A few Fetish Clubs can also be found on the Internet.  Many swingers are looking to experiment in new areas and you might be the perfect trainer to help new couples experiment with your specific fetish.  Be careful to let others know you are not into their fetish of S&M etc. if they ask.  Be firm, but polite.
 
 

 
 

Question: How can I convince my wife or partner to have sex outdoors?  I get sexually excited about the possibility of getting caught in the act or would love to be watched by strangers while performing sex or showing off.

Answer: Exhibitionism or the thrills associated with getting caught in the act of sex is healthy and normal for many people, keeping within the law.  Many swingers clubs or private parties give you the perfect opportunity to expose yourself or perform to a receptive crowd.  The biggest obstacle is usually your partner who does not share the same interest.  Anyone new to this performing art, must be brought into the waters slowly and gently.  This might not be the kind of entertainment or excitement for your partner.  Finding another playmate in the swinging lifestyle that has similar interests that you have is the perfect answer to satisfying these fantasies.
 
 

 

Question: What problems can happen at an on-premise party?  We have heard many rumors about on-premise clubs and are unsure of what might happen on our first visit.

Answer: There are a number of problems that can happen at any party, whether it is on-premise or off-premise.  It is the responsibility of the club owners or hosts to conduct in-depth screenings of all club members to help minimize potential problems at club events.  One problem that is common at many clubs is the NEWBEE PREDATOR.  All clubs give warnings in their newsletters, or web sites that couples or singles that prey on new swingers (NEWBEES) will be warned or even have membership privileges revoked.  Most couples need space and patience when entering the lifestyle for the first time and there are some new couples that just want to get down to playing.  Even some experienced swingers get impatient and can be classed as PREDATORS.  We are always watchful that our members are not predators and they are patient and respectful of all club members, especially new swingers.  Jealousy is the most common problem between couples that have not fully discussed their ground rules before attending a swing party.  Always discuss and approve your limits before attending a function and not at the function.
 
 

 

Question: What activities can we expect to see at an on-premise party?  This will be our first time at an on-premise party and we really, really, really want to know.

Answer: If we told you everything that happens at an on-premise party you might need medical attention.  Some mysteries are worth the wait and it will help you cum at our events.  But seriously, on-premise parties are different from club to club and country to country.  All of them are a gathering of open-minded adults that have liberal views about sex and have a strong appetite for sexual adventures and experimenting.  All parties are different, because the different mixtures of couples are what makes the parties hot or cold.  Some on-premise clubs have private rooms for a few people to play in private and most on-premise clubs have group rooms for larger numbers of couples to play in view of other playing couples.  All couples dress sensual or to tease.  Many women will change into lingerie at the party.

Many couples are nervous in a group of people for the first time, but most swingers are very outgoing and when you rub a few swingers together in a dance area, it does not take long for everyone to get turned on or fired up, nerves and fears disappear and soon many couples are playing with new couples getting the party hotter by the minute.  You will see all forms of foreplay, different mixes of twosomes, threesomes, foursomes and for birthdays and special treats you will see more.  You always have the right to limit your partners or say NO to anyone, but you also have the privilege of asking for multiple partners and have sex for hours if you find willing players.

You will not see many sex toys at any party due to the potential of transmitting diseases.  Some couples will bring their own bottle.  Most on-premise clubs offer food and soft drinks during the evening to help you charge your batteries.
 
 

 
 

Question: We're curious, but want to just see what your main party is all about, can we do that?
 

Answer: NO!  Our main party is for active swingers or couples who wish to become active swingers.  Our club is an on-premise members only club for couples.  We go to great lengths to provide a no pressure atmosphere.  NO or NO Thank You, always means NO!   But we do encourage couples to get active with their own partner and we must ensure that BOTH you and your partner are interested in the swinging aspect of the lifestyle and not just looking around to see how swingers act.  If you want to get more informed about our parties and are interested in the swinging aspect of the lifestyle,  you are welcome to attend our orientation night and talk with active swingers and visit our party location.

 

 
 

 
 

Question: Do we have to be a married couple to join the 4PLAY Club?

Answer: NO!  You'll be welcomed whether you're married, dating, living with your significant other, or going steady.  Today's world has changed dramatically from just a few years ago.  The club is for couples only.  Singles are not permitted to attend.  All partners must be screened.  You must be 18 years of  age and both of you need to know what the club is all about.  You must pass our screening process before being allowed membership in the club.  The majority of our member couples are married and have children.  All of our members are open minded and are not pushy.